If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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