I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My dick has a subreddit
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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