he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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