Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i drank out of a bidet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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