is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
