She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
