She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
