Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
