I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
