I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
