I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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