woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
