Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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