If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
