this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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