my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
