trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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