I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
