You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
