he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
