DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
