she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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