He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
