just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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