I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
