I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
