i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
