dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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