i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
