Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
