Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
