this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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