im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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