she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
