Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
