Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
