Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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