Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
50% drunk capacity currently
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
