Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
