We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Someone shattered a urinal.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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