ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
