I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
its liver damage thursday
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
