your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
