I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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