Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
