i barfeds in our rink
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
