I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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