Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
