He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
