That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
