why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
